Flaming Marshmallows and Other Warnings.

I recently lost my sanity and invited two 4^th grade math classes over for a hot dog roast.  I actually do this on a regular basis and it occurred to me that a similar dynamic happens every time.  Even though we have spent a whole school year together and are very familiar with one another at school, they enter my house very tentatively.  They sort of hide behind their parents for a little bit and have to be coaxed into playing one of the games at first.  Soon they start warming up and the fun begins.  We have a great time for a few hours and then it starts to break down.  They forget themselves and their manners and start literally climbing the furniture and the trees.  Flaming marshmallows start getting flung around and just before disaster happens their parents show up.  Their parents’ presence reminds them of what is considered acceptable and right.  The main governing force in their lives brings them back to a place of healthy and good behavior immediately.

It struck me that this same dynamic can be seen in recovery over and over.  We come to Celebrate Recovery very tentative and scared.  We are fearful to admit we have a problem, we are fearful that we might not fit in and we are fearful about not knowing anyone there.  Soon, however, we meet great people whom we can identify with and realize that we do indeed have issues that need working on.  We start meeting with a small open share group, join a 12 step study and start working the program.  We might even start volunteering to help with the details of running the ministry and soon we have fellowship with people like us, often for the first time in our lives.  But inevitably, we reach a point were we tend to forget ourselves and why we are there and we stop working the program.  We don’t call people like we used to, we quit journaling and examining ourselves on a daily basis.  The difference between the 4^th grade math party and CR is that no one is coming just before the disaster happens.  There is no parent that is coming to tell us to knock it off, or to hold our hand when we are getting a little out of control.  We are now grown up and must do this for ourselves.  We must not believe the lie that we are “cured” and are done with all that recovery stuff now.  We must parent ourselves and require ourselves to do what is right and healthy even when we don’t want to.

I love a party as much as the next person, whether it’s with 4^th graders or my CR friends.  It is true, the fellowship of CR makes it easy to go but it is the constant work that makes life better for me and for those around me.  And when you come over to roast marshmallows I promise I won’t fling one at you.  This is the one area that I think I really am cured.